Now Only

	  		
Intro F Em C 

verse 1 
              F                         C 
I remember looking around a hospital waiting room 
                                            F              C 
Full of people all absorbed in their own personal catastrophes 
                                                F              C 
All reading books like Being Mortal, all with a look in their eyes 
                                    G 
And I remember still feeling like, "No, no one can understand" 

"No, my devastation is unique" 

                C 
But people get cancer and die 
                    G 
People get hit by trucks and die 
             F 
People just living their lives 

Get erased for no reason 
          Em                                G 
With the rest of us watching from the side 

                C 
And some people have to survive 
                       G 
And find a way to feel lucky to still be alive 
   F 
To sleep through the night 


verse 2 
Em      G             F 
I wrote down all the details of how my house fell apart 
F 
How the person I loved got killed by a bad disease 

Out of nowhere for no reason and me living in the blast zone 
         Am 
With our daughter and etcetera 

I made these songs 
        C 
And the next thing I knew I was standing in the dirt 

Under the desert sky at night outside Phoenix 
     Am 
At a music festival that had paid to fly me in 

To play these death songs to a bunch of young people on drugs 
C 
Standing in the dust next to an idling bus 

With Skrillex inside and the sound of subwoofers in the distance 
Am 
I had stayed up til three 
Am 
Talking to Weyes Blood and Father John Misty 

About songwriting in the backstage bungalows 
       C 
Eating fruit and jumping on the bed like lost children 

Exploding across the earth in a self-indulgent all-consuming 
Am 
Wreck of ideas that blot out the stars 

To be still alive felt so absurd 

           C 
People get cancer and die 
                  G 
People get hit by trucks and die 
            F 
People just living their lives get erased for no reason 
         Em                          G 
With the rest of us averting our eyes 


Interlude 
C G F 

Bridge 
Em                                                        C 
When I was leaning on Skrillex's tour bus waiting for the hotel shuttle in the middle of the night 
  Am 
I barely knew who I was 
         Em 
I looked up and saw Orion wielding a club and a shield 

And there you were again: 
G 
Majestic dead wife 
      Am 
As my grief becomes calcified, frozen in stories 

And in these songs I keep singing, numbing it down 
    G 
The unsingable real memories of you 

And the feral eruptions of sobbing 

      F     Em       C 
These waves hit less frequently 
     F        Em            C 
They thin and then they are gone 
        F            Em         C 
You are gone and then your echo is gone 
    F        Em        C 
And then the crying is gone 
                          C 
And what is left but this merchandise? 

Interlude 
F Em C 

Outro 
F               Em              F  Em C 
This is what my life feels like now 
           F                   Em 
Like I got abruptly dropped off by the side of the road 
       C 
In the middle of a long horrible ride 
     F                    Em                C                   F 
In a hot van that was too full of confident chattering dudes 
    G                  C        F Em C 
And the sound of tires receding 
       G                     F Em 
Taking in the night air I say 
          C 
"Now only"