Written by Lennon-McCartney
C A Dm Joan was quizzical, studied pataphysical science in the home, G C G late nights all alone with her a test tube, oh, oh, oh, oh. C A Dm Maxwell Edison, majoring in medicine calls her on the phone, G C G "Can I take you out to the pictures Jo-o-o-oan?" D G G7 But as she's getting ready to go, a knock comes on the door. (Chorus:) C D D7 Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon her head. G G7 Dm G C G D Clang! Clang! Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that she was dead. C A Dm Back in school again Maxwell plays the fool again, teacher gets annoyed, G C G wishing to avoid and unpleasant scene-e-e-ene. C A Dm She tells Max to stay when the class has gone away, so he waits behind, G C G writing fifty times "I must not be so-o-o-o. D G G7 But when she turns her back on the boy, he creeps up from behind. (Chorus) C A Dm P.C. Thirty-one said "we've caught a dirty one", Maxwell stands alone, G C G painting testimonial pictures, oh, oh, oh, oh. C A Dm Rose and Valerie screaming from the gallery, say he must go free, G C G the judge does not agree, and he tells them so-o-o-o. D G G7 But, as the words are leaving his lips, a noise comes form behind (Chorus - with lyrics variation "...upon HIS head...", "...HE was dead...")