The Ballad Of Barry And Freda

	  		
Intro: 
Gm   C7   Am7   D7     Gm  Gm7/D   C/E   C7 

Verse 1
 
F              F6  Fmaj7     F6 
    Freda and Barry sat one night, 
G            G6             G7    G    G6 
    The sky was clear, the stars were bright, 
Gm                C7    Am7               D7 
    The wind was soft,       the moon was up, 
 Gm    Gm7/D      C/E   C7 
Freda drained her cocoa cup! 


Verse 2
 
F              F6            Fmaj7       F6 
    She licked her lips, she felt sub - lime, 
G         G6                     G7     G    G6 
    She switched off 'Gardeners Quest - ion Time', 
Gm          C7        Am7      D7 
    Barry cringed in fear and dread, 
    Gm    Gm7/D      C/E       C7 
As Freda grabbed his tie, and said... 


Verse 3 

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e |-----------| 
B |-----------| 
G |-----------| 
D |-----0--2--| 
A |--3--------| 
E |-----------| 


F        F/C     F         F/C 
   Let's do it,      let's do it, 
F               F/C      C7    C7/G 
Do it while the mood is right, 
C7       C7/G    C7        C7/G 
    I'm feeling   ...ap - pealing,  
        F          F/C     F7 
I've really got an appe - tite, 
Bb          G#dim/B 
I'm on fire       ...with desire, 
         F/C                         D7 
I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir, 
G7               C7                    F   F/C  F 
    Let's do it,    let's do it to - night! 


Verse 4 
   But he said... 

F          F/C      F         F/C 
 ...I can't do it,     I can't do it, 
    F              F/C      C7   C7/G 
I don't believe in too much sex, 
C7        C7/G     C7       C7/G 
    This fashion    ...for passion, 
  F             F/C     F7 
Turns us into nervous wrecks, 
Bb           G#dim/B 
No derision,          my decision, 
     F/C                                  D7 
I'd rather watch 'The Spinners' on the television, 
G7                 C7                      F   F/C  F 
    I can't do it,    I can't do it to - night! 


Verse 5 
  But she said... 

F         F/C     F        F/C 
 ...Let's do it,      let's do it, 
F               F/C       C7   C7/G 
Do it 'til our hearts go boom, 
C7      C7/G   C7       C7/G     F            F/C    F7 
    Go native,    cre - ative, living in the living room, 
Bb             G#dim/B 
    This folly        ...is jolly, 
F/C                              D7 
Bend me over backwards on m' 'Hostess Trolley',  
G7               C7                     F   F/C  F 
    Let's do it,     let's do it to - night! 

Verse 6 
  But he said... 

F            F/C      F           F/C 
   ...I can't do it,      I can't do it, 
     F             F/C        C7   C7/G 
Me 'eavy breathing days have gone,  
C7       C7/G     C7        C7/G 
     I'm older,       feel colder, 
       F                       F7 
It's other things that turn me on, 
Bb                 G#dim/B 
    I'm imploring,          I'm boring, 
F/C                            D7 
Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring,  
G7                 C7                       F  
    I can't do it,     I can't do it to - night! 


KEY CHANGE - Verse 7

   So she said... 
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e |-----------| 
B |-----------| 
G |-----------| 
D |--0--2--4--| 
A |-----------| 
E |-----------| 


G        G/D     G        G/D 
   Let's do it,     let's do it, 
 G           G/D       D7    D7/A 
Have a crazy night of love, 
D7       D7/A       D7      D7/A 
   I'll strip bare,    I'll just wear... 
           G                 G7 
...Sti - lettos and an oven glove, 
C                    Bbdim/Db 
    Don't starve a ...girl of a palaver, 
 G/D                               E7 
Dangle from the wardrobe in your Balaclava, 
A7               D7                     G 
    Let's do it,     let's do it to - night! 


Verse 8 
   But he said... 


G             G/D     G           G/D 
   ...I can't do it,      I can't do it, 
    G           G/D     D7     D7/A 
I know I'd only get it wrong, 
D7       D7/A         D7     D7/A 
   Don't angle ...for me to dangle, 
    G                          G7 
Me arms 'ave never been that strong, 
C                Bbdim/Db 
   Stop pouting,           stop shouting, 
     G/D                           E7 
You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting, 
A7                 D7                      G 
    I can't do it,     I can't do it to - night! 


Verse 9 

G        G/D     G         G/D 
   Let's do it,      let's do it, 
  G              G/D        D7    D7/A 
Share a night of wild ro - mance, 
D7        D7/A    D7        D7/A 
    Fre - netic,    ...po - etic, 
 G                            G7 
This could be your last big chance... 
C                     Bbdim/Db 
  ...To quote Milton,           to eat Stilton, 
   G/D                           E7 
To roll in gay abandon on the 'Tufted Wilton', 
A7                D7                     G 
    Let's do it,      let's do it to - night! 


KEY CHANGE - verse 1
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e |-----------| 
B |-----------| 
G |--------0--| 
D |--1--3-----| 
A |-----------| 
E |-----------| 


Ab         Ab/Eb    Ab        Ab/Eb 
    I can't do it,     I can't do it, 
      Ab          Ab/Eb    Eb7   Eb7/Bb 
I've other little jobs on hand, 
Eb7        Eb7/Bb        Eb7      Eb7/Bb 
     Don't grouse...a - round the house, 
     Ab                  Ab7 
I've got a busy evening planned, 
Db                Bdim/D 
    Stop nagging,          I'm flagging, 
    Ab/Eb                            F7 
You know, as well as I do, that the pipes want lagging, 
Bb7                Eb7                      Ab 
    I can't do it,      I can't do it to - night! 


Ab        Ab/Eb    Ab       Ab/Eb 
     Let's do it,      let's do it, 
 Ab             Ab/Eb   Eb7    Eb7/Bb 
While I'm really in the mood, 
Eb7         Eb7/Bb 
     Three cheers, 
Eb7       Eb7/Bb          Ab                   Ab7 
  ...It's years since I caught you even semi - nude, 
Db               Bdim/D 
     Be drastic,         gymnastic, 
Ab/Eb                               F7 
 Wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic, 
    Bb7              Eb7                   Ab 
But...  let's do it,     let's do it to - night! 


verse 1

Ab          Ab/Eb    Ab         Ab/Eb 
     I can't do it,      I can't do it, 
   Ab           Ab/Eb        Eb7    Eb7/Bb 
I must refuse to get  un - dressed, 
Eb7         Eb7/Bb 
     I feel silly, 
Eb7      Eb7/Bb    Ab                    Ab7 
It's too chilly to go without m' thermal vest, 
Db                   Bdim/Eb 
    Don't choose me,          don't use me, 
    Ab/Eb                          F7 
Me' mother sent a note to say you must excuse me, 
Bb7                Eb7                      Ab 
    I can't do it,      I can't do it to - night! 


KEY CHANGE - verse 1 

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e |-----------| 
B |-----------| 
G |--------1--| 
D |--2--4-----| 
A |-----------| 
E |-----------| 


A        A/E     A        A/E 
   Let's do it,     let's do it, 
   A             A/E    E7    E7/B 
I feel I abso - lutely must, 
   E7        E7/B       E7     E7/B 
I won't ex - empt you, want to tempt you, 
 A                          A7 
Want to drive you mad with lust, 
D               Cdim/D# 
   No cautions,  just contortions, 
 A/E                    F#7 
Smear an avocado on m' lower portions,  
B7               E7                    A 
    Let's do it,     let's do it to - night! 


verse 1 


A          A/E     A         A/E 
   I can't do it,     I can't do it, 
       A           A/E     E7    E7/B 
It's really not my cup of tea, 
E7        E7/B     E7         E7/B 
    I'm harassed,   ...em - barrassed, 
   A                        A7 
I wish you hadn't picked on me, 
D             Cdim/D# 
    No dramas, give me m' pyjamas, 
     A/E                        F#7 
The only girl I'm mad about is Judith Chalmers, 
B7                 E7                      A 
    I can't do it,    I can't do it to - night! 


KEY CHANGE - verse 1 
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e |-----------| 
B |-----------| 
G |-----------| 
D |--3--2--1--| 
A |-----------| 
E |-----------| 


Bb       Bb/F     Bb       Bb/F 
    Let's do it,      let's do it, 
    Bb          Bb/F     F7   F7/C 
I really want to run a - mok, 
F7         F7/C    F7         F7/C 
    Let's wiggle,   ...let's jiggle, 
        Bb                    Bb7 
Let's really make the rafters rock, 
Eb              Dbdim/E 
     Be mighty,         be flighty, 
Bb/F                               G7 
Come and melt the buttons on m' flameproof nightie, 
C7               F7 
    Let's do it,     let's do it... 

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        Bb 
...to - night----------------------------! 
   e |--6-5-3------------|------------------| 
   B |--------6-4-3------|------------------| 
   G |--------------5-3--|--3-2-0-----------| 
   D |-------------------|--------3-1-0-----| 
   A |-------------------|--------------3---| 
   E |-------------------|------------------| 


verse 1
 
Bb       Bb/F     Bb       Bb/F 
    Let's do it,      let's do it, 
    Bb           Bb/F      F7   F7/C 
I really want to rant and rave, 
F7        F7/C   F7           F7/C 
    Let's go,        'cause I know... 
        Bb                     Bb7 
...Just how I want you to be - have, 
Eb                Dbdim/E 
    Not bleakly,          not meekly, 
Bb/F                             G7 
Beat me on the bottom with m' 'Woman's Weekly', 
C7               F7 
    Let's do it,     let's do it...
 
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        Bb                                  Bb B C Db Bb 
...to - night-------------------------------------------!
 
   e |--6-5-3------------|-----------------| 
   B |--------6-4-3------|-----------------| 
   G |--------------5-3--|--3-2-0----------| 
   D |-------------------|--------3-1-0----| 
   A |-------------------|--------------3--| 
   E |-------------------|-----------------| 



Alternative verse 14
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e |-----------| 
B |-----------| 
G |--------1--| 
D |--2--4-----| 
A |-----------| 
E |-----------| 


A          A/E    A         A/E 
   I can't do it,    I can't do it, 
       A           A/E     E7    E7/B 
It's really not my cup of tea, 
E7       E7/B     E7          E7/B 
    I'm harassed,   ...em - barrassed, 
   A                        A7 
I wish you hadn't picked on me, 
D               Cdim/D# 
    No barter,          non- starter, 
  A/E                       F#7 
I feel about as sensous as Jimmy Carter, 
B7                 E7                       A 
    I can't do it,     I can't do it to - night!