Texas Annie

	  		
Verse 
Am                                                              G 
Well, Texas Annie had a big fat fanny, and she drove a black sedan 
G                                                               Am 
She had Ben Wa Balls in her overalls and a trunk full of contraband. 
Am                                                                                      G 
And when the fog was thick, she'd pack her dicks, and sneak across the county line, 
G                                               Am 
'Cause in Texas, any tool for masturbation is a crime. 

Am                                              G 
Hard-livin' and promiscuous, she kinda liked the risk, 
G                                       Am 
She was a liquor-drinkin' dildo-runnin' rascal. 
Am                                                      G 
With an electronic phallus for each housewife up in Dallas 
G                                        Am 
An' a probe for every asshole in El Paso. 

F                               C 
Cos you can't buy a dildo in Texas 
G                                                       C 
We don't touch ourselves down there round here, ya' hear? 
F                               C 
And it says so in the Bible that a vibe'll leave you liable 
G                                       Am 
For a prison term of twenty-seven years. 


Verse 
Am                                                                      G 
Well, she'd rent a room in a cheap saloon and start sellin' all her wares, 
G                                                               Am 
She'd be drinkin' whisky and gettin' frisky, conductin' her affairs. 
Am                                                                              G 
And by the end of the night, she'd be good and tight, with a girl on either side, 
G                                                                               Am 
And she'd grab her saddle and a ping-pong paddle and she'd take them for a ride. 

Am                                                              G 
Till the good ol' boys got their good ol' balls all tied up in a sling, 
G                                                                       Am 
And the governor said "I'll have her head, that butch is gonna swing," 
Am                                                                              G 
The boys felt replaced and they felt disgraced and they chased her hard and long 
G                                                                       Am 
There's no debate in the Lone Star State about who should wear the dong. 

Verse 
F                               C 
Cos you can't buy a dildo in Texas 
G                                                       C 
We don't touch ourselves down there round here, ya' hear? 
F                                    C 
And it says so in the Bible that a vibe'll leave you liable 
G                                       Am 
To be tried before a jury of your queers. I mean, peers. 
Am 
Right, definitely peers. 

Bridge 
Am 
Annie in the bedroom picking out toys, 
G 
Annie been caught by the governor's boys, 
Am 
Annie gonna get the electric chair, 
G 
A thousand volts in the derriere. 

Spoken 
Am 
Wooo-hooo! (laugh) Do it again, muthafucka, come on! 

Verse 
Am                                                                      G        
So they strapped her in and the governor grinned, "I guess you've had your fun, 
G                                                                       Am       
Shoulda made your money as a playboy bunny or by selling people guns. 
Am                                              G        
So goodnight Texas Annie - I hope you burn in hell," 
G                                                                       Am 
She said "I'll see you there, you sonofabitch, and I'll see your wife as well!" 

Am                                                              G 
So he flipped the switch, she began to twitch and vibrate all around, 
G                                                                                       Am 
Smoke filled the room, there was a thunderous boom and a high pitched buzzing sound. 
Am                                                                      G 
And as the air cleared, she'd disappeared, and a hundred eyes grew wide, 
G                                                       Am 
The Men were stiff with horror but their wives looked satisfied. 

F                               C 
Cos you can't buy a dildo in Texas, 
G                               C 
So here's your chance to stick it to the man. 
F                                               C 
Take every opportunity to whack off with impunity, 
G                               C       F       C  G  C 
Go fuck yourselves as often as you can.