The Scotsman

 
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Well, a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair 
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And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share 
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He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet 
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Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street 
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Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh 
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He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street 
 

 
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About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by 
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And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye 
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See young sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built 
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I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt 
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Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh 
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I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt 
 

 
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They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be 
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Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see 
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And there behold, for them to view, beneath his Scottish skirt 
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Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth 
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Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh 
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Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth 
 

 
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They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone 
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Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along 
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As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow 
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Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show 
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Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh 
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Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show 
 

 
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Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled toward the trees 
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Behind a bush, he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees 
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And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes 
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O lad, I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize 
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Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh 
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O lad, I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize 
 

 
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Our Scottish friend, still dressed in kilt, continued up the street 
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He hadn't gone ten yards or more, when a lass he chanced to meet 
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She said: "I've heard what's underneath there, tell me, is it so?" 
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He said: "Just slip your hand up, lass, if y'really want to know!" 
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Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh 
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He said: "Just slip your hand up, lass, if y'really want to know!" 
 

 
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So she slipped her hand right up his kilt, and much to her surprise 
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The Scotsman smiled, and a very strange look came into his eyes 
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She said: "Why, sir, that's gruesome!" And then she heard him roar: 
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"If you stick yer hand up once again, you'll find it grew some more!" 
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Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh 
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"If you stick yer hand up once again, you'll find it grew some more!" 
 

 
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The Scotsman's hands were numb with drink, his head was spinning 'round 
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He couldn't get that ribbon off, so homeward he was bound 
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His wife she caught a flash of blue, as he took off his clothes 
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And it piqued her curiosity, as you might well suppose 
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Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh 
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And it piqued her curiosity, as you might well suppose 
 

 
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Well, then she asked that Scotsman, where he'd been and what he'd done 
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He said there was a contest at the pub, and that he'd won 
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She cried, you did not show that thing, in front of all those men? 
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I did not show it all my love, but just enough to win 
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Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh 
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I did not show it all my love, but just enough to win