The Widow And The Devil

 
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High atop a lonely moor, a widow lived alone 
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An Inn she kept, and as she slept her pillow heard her moan 
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"Oh, many's the lonely traveller who's spent the night with me 
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But there's no man in all creation who gives content to me! 

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"Well, some can manage once or twice and some make three or four 
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But it seems to me a rarity is the man who can do more 
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I'd do anything to find him in Heaven or in Hell" 
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And as she spoke these words, sure, she heard her front door bell 


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And the wind blew cold and lonely across that Widow's moor 
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And she never, ever turned away a traveller from the door 

 
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So boldly ran the Widow and the door did open wide 
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And as she did, a tall and handsome stranger stepped inside 
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Well, she gave him bread and brandy and when that he was fed 
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He said, "My dear, now have no fear. It's time to come to bed 
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"For I've heard your plea right down below And I've come to see you right 
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But you must come to Hell with me if I can last the night" 
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She said, "You randy Devil! To this bargain I'll agree 
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For Hell on Earth, or Hell in Hell. It's all the same to me!" 


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And the wind blew cold and lonely across that Widow's moor 
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And she never, ever turned away a traveller from the door 

 
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Now, as they fumbled in the bed, the Devil, he proved well 
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And he thought before the night would end that she'd be in his Hell 
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Ah, but when he came to number nine, the Widow cried out, "More!" 
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And when the twelfth time came around, the Widow cried, "Encore!" 
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At twenty-five the Devil felt compelled to take a rest 
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But the Widow cried "Come raise your head and put me to the test!" 
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At sixty-nine, the Widow laughed "Again! Again!" she cried 
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And the Devil said, "Well, I can see just how your husband died!" 


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And the wind blew cold and lonely across that Widow's moor 
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And she never, ever turned away a traveller from the door 


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At ninety-nine, the Devil, he began to wail and weep 
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He said, "I'll give you anything, if you'll let me go to sleep!" 
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But before the morning light was up, the Devil hobbled home 
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And the Widow, still not satisfied, once more was left alone 
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She lay there on her pillow and she thought on ninety-nine 
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"It's a pity that poor old Devil couldn't manage one more time! 
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I'll call him up again tonight to see what can be done 
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With a little more application, we could make it to the ton!" 


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And the wind blew cold and lonely across that Widow's moor 
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And she never, ever turned away a traveller from the door 

 
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But when she called to him that night, no Devil did appear 
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For the first time in Eternity, the Devil, he shook with fear 
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He said, "Of all the torments I've witnessed here in Hell 
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I never knew what pain was 'til I rang your front door bell!" 

 
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And the wind blew cold and lonely across that Widow's moor 
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And she never, ever turned away a traveller from the door