(intro F C F C F C Bb C7) F Dm On the bleakest day autumn could muster Bb C In a church to which they'll not return F Dm I thought back to a time when I could trust her F Bb C To a time when there wasn't John Byrne. Gm Bb And in a cruel twist of fate which so often F C Occurs in tales such as this F Dm I found myself catering reception Bb C And there were urges I had to resist. F Dm Not least 'cos John Byrne is much fitter F Bb C C7 And the straightener to him holds no fears F A7 Dm Bb So if the chocolate in the fountain tastes bitter F C F (as intro) It's because it's been laced with my tears. F Dm Celebrations were well underway when Bb C Her father prayed silence and spoke F Dm He said "It's not like I'm losing a daughter as..." Bb C (Violently starting to choke). Gm Bb And in a gesture which said "I'm fast fading F C Could somebody dial 999?" F Dm He valiantly toasted my capers F Bb C With a glass of what he thought was wine. F Dm Bb C It was gone half past ten before folk cottoned on F A Bb (instr) By which time I'd landed in Wick. F Dm So if what's in the fondue's to die for F Bb C C7 It's got nothing to do with the cheese F A7 Dm F And if what's in the punchbowl seems lethal Bb C F It's because it's two-thirds anti-freeze.