Hypothetically Speaking

Intro:
G 
 Now, let me tell you 'bout my best friend 
D 
Well, her name is Leanne 
                  A 
And she's married to a dumb, dumb man named Carl 
          D 
Or... she was, that is 


 
*Phone rings* 
   G 
Hello? 
                                                    D 
Well, Carl started with his same old shit all over again 
D 
Drunk as a skunk, yelling 
       A 
And he started coming at me while I was frying his eggs in the kitchen 
    D 
Oh, Lord 
D 
And the only thing I had to save me was that cast iron skillet 
G 
And that white tile ain't so white anymore 
               D 
And he is face down on the kitchen floor 
D 
What? 
D 
He ain't moving 
A 
And I think he might be dead 
A 
Uh-oh 
               D 
And you're the first person I thought to call 
 

 
               G 
Hypothetically speaking 
                    D 
If you're burying a body 
                        A 
Don't you do it in your basement 
                                      D 
'Cause that's the first place they'll check (If they suspect you've done it) 
                    G 
So before you start running 
             D 
Just dial my number 
                       A 
If you've got a little problem 
               D 
Hypothetically speaking  


{Steel Guitar Solo} 
G    D    A    D 


 
G                                                                       D 
Well, now, I did find a letter with a lipstick kiss on it from his secretary 
                                                                A 
Talking about how they're in love and how they're gonna run off together 
                                                               D 
Well, that's what you're gonna say 'cause it's definitely what happened 
D 
So get your story straight 
 

 
               G 
Hypothetically speaking 
                           D 
You'll cut him into little pieces 
                        A 
I'm talking real little pieces 
                             D 
And then you feed 'em to the gators ('Cause they're nationally protected) 
                         G 
And they can't check the gators 
              D 
For your dead husband 
                    A 
Right now he's just missing 
                          D 
And that's how it's gonna stay 
 

 
G 
Now, honey, I know he was an asshole 
D 
But that's not what you're gonna tell them 
                                A 
You're gonna say that he was an angel 
                       D 
And how you miss him so 
 

 
               G 
Hypothetically speaking 
                   D 
If you're hiding a body ('Cause she definitely is) 
                 A 
Put him in a big barrel 
                     D 
And fill it full of acid ('Cause it'll eat him all up) 
                        G 
And then there won't be nothing 
              D 
For nobody to look for 
                     A 
Just some water in a barrel 
                        D 
From when the rain came through 
 

 
               G 
Hypothetically speaking 
               D 
Hypothetically speaking 
               A 
Hypothetically speaking 
                       D 
Hypothetically speaking 
 

Outro 
G 
Now, accidents, they sure do happen 
D 
Even though he had it coming 
                               A 
Well, you know I'm always here for you, baby 
               D 
Hypothetically speaking 
N.C. 
{Giggling} 
N.C. 
Poor Carl 
N.C. 
{Laughter}