100 Things To Remember

	  		Spoken: I had a crazy uncle who was on his deathbed a long time ago. 
He said, "boy, there's 100 things in life that every man needs to know 
to survive. And here's 39 of them" 
 
A (A) virgin don't ever drive a Z28 
Never bet the ranch on your prostate 
If it's got an Adam's Apple, it's probably a man 
Never trust a gay gypsy with the palm of your hand 
She (D) didn't accidentally get good in bed 
You (A) can't join the church if you're already dead 
A (E) work uniform ain't totally nude 
(A) Brim and bass ain't see-through 
When there's (A) guns in the house, one better be yours 
Don't be naked next to any fishing lures 
If there's Girl Scout Cookies, she's a little too young 
If you say "I do", be the ugly one 
(D) Never let a bald man borrow your comb 
Never (A) play strip poker in a nursing home 
Don't (E) blame your pallbearer's if they don't show 
If you're (A) burried in the middle of the Super Bowl 
 
Let (B) people borrow money, they'll leave you alone 
Never fry bacon without a shirt on 
Never spray water on a hornet's nest 
A woman rarely aces the driver's test 
The (E) sign probably don't really mean massage  
Never (B) threaten anybody in camoflague 
Say you (F#) love 'til she lays down the buther knife 
(B) Never put the move on the boss's wife 
She's messin' 'round on you if your briefs don't fit 
Never trust a hitch hiker to baby sit 
Cosmo's never in a happy home 
You can't cut a deal with a kidney stone 
A (E) politician ain't got an HMO 
(B) Washing her hair means she don't wanna go 
Don't (F#) ridicule a biker on his tattoo 
Ya been (B) married 9 times?? Hell, maybe it's you 
 
(C#) Doom ain't the same as Donkey Kong 
If he's wearing high heels, you might've raised him wrong 
The clinic ain't the best place to pick up dates 
Don't rent a room from a man named Bates 
A (F#) tank-top's never on a Billionaire 
(C#) Stevie Ray Vaughn missed a note here and there 
How (G#) many get to Heaven, no one knows 
But (C#) Hell will be asses and elbows 
 
Spoken: Then he died 
Crazy fool rolled over and died 
And never did tell me what the other 61 things were........