National Shite Day

	  		
Intro: D  Am  C  F,  D  Am  C  F 

D                   Am             C 
Pulling the ice axe from my leg, I staggered on 
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Spindrift stinging my remaining eye 
  D                  Am   
I finally managed to reach the station 
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Only to find that the bus replacement service had broken down 
      D                   Am  
After wondering to myself whether or not it should 
C                    F 
Actually be called a train replacement service 
  D                   Am 
I walked out onto the concourse 
    C                 F                          D 
And noticed the giant screen seemed to have been tampered with 
Am            C              F 
Probably by a junior employee. 
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Disgruntled commuters were being regaled with some dismal TVM 
  D                     Am            C 
Involving a tug-of-love custody battle;  
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Stockard Channing held sway. 
D                       Am                       C 
Down in the High Street somebody careered out of Boots 
            F 
Without due care or attention 
  D                 Am                    C 
I suggest that they learn some pedestrian etiquette 
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I.e. sidle out of the store gingerly - embrace the margin. 
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Fat kids with sausage rolls, poor sods conducting polls. 
          D                       Am                   C      F  D Am C F 
There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets. 
D                            Am 
I try to put everything into perspective, 
C                                 F 
Set it against the scale of human suffering 
D                      Am 
And I thought of the Mugabe government 
        C                        F 
And the children of the Calcutta railways 
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This works for a while but then I encounter Primark FM 
D          Am        C     F              E 
Overhead a rainbow appears - in black and white. 
D     Am C              F                D     Am C 
Shite Day, I guess this must be National Shite Day 
            F                D     Am C 
This surely must be National Shite Day 
           F                D     Am C F  (Inst D Am C F x8) 
Don't tell me it's National Shite Day. 
D    Am  C         F     D     Am  C        F   D Am C F 
Float,       float on.   Float,       float on 
D    Am C F    D     Am C F 
Barry          Herpes. 
D                   Am 
I got a letter from Stringy Bob 
C                        F 
"Still on suicide watch, screws not happy. 
D                   Am                  C 
Spotted a Marsh Fritillary during Association 
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Was roundly ignored; what news you?" 
D                   Am 
I felt sorry for him  
                             C                 F 
He'd only been locked up for public nuisance offences 
D                         Am                   C 
One of which saw him beachcombing the Dee Estuary 
             F            D             Am 
Found a dead wading bird, took it home, parcelled it up 
    C                               F 
And sent it off to the rubber-faced irritant Phil Cool 
D                        Am     C                       F  D Am C F 
With a note inside which read: "Is this your Sanderling?" 
D                    Am                         C          F 
Another time saw him answering an advert in the music press 
D                   Am      C      F 
"Keyboard player required - Doors, Floyd, etc. 
D                Am             C  F                    D   Am C F 
Must be committed; no time wasters" - you can guess the rest. 
D            Am                            C                     F 
I'd always imagined he would simply wander off some day into the hills 
D                  Am                 C                    F 
To be found months later, his carcass stripped by homeless dogs 
    D               Am                       C   F  D Am C F 
His exposed skull a perch for the quartering crow 
  D                          Am                  C     F 
I folded away the letter and put it in my inside pocket 
D                 Am                                     C   F  D Am C F 
All of a sudden I felt brushed by the wings of something dark 
D                 Am               C   F  E 
May the Lord have mercy on Stringy Bob. 
D     Am C         F                  D     Am  C 
Shite Day, I do believe it's National Shite Day 
       F                  D     Am C 
It all points to National Shite Day 
            F                  D     Am C F E 
Someone's declared it National Shite Day. 
D     Am C         F               D     Am  C 
Shite Day, my birthday on National Shite Day 
       F                   D     Am C 
No bog roll, it's National Shite Day 
         F                   D     Am C F   (D Am C F to fade) 
Cue drum roll, it's National Shite Day.